Advanage

Alright everyone. This is my latest embarrassing encounter. As a lot of you know, I model my character after good ole hyperbole and a half's character, because I'M NOT CREATIVE. So the anonymous poster who so bravely felt the need to "call me out" can maybe take the morality stick out of their bumbumbum.

About a month ago I was enjoying the TV with my brother Josh and his fiance and my roommate, Julia. It was fun!

There's a knock at the door and I see a hand waving in the window!
I open the door and am immediately bombarded my the MOST charismatic man in the WORLD!!!!!!!!!! He's so excited!!!!!
"Try my product" he says! He immediately has my attention when he says, "I know what scent you like...lavender!" "HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!" I'm eating it up!!! He's talking so fast and being so funny that I just can't seem to take a moment to think about what this guy is REALLY doing.
In retrospect what got me the most is that Josh and Julia aren't telling me to not buy this lavender cleaning magic! They're just sitting there watching TV while I get manipulated by this man.....this smooth talking man!
So I pay the $40 dollars for the product! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I give him a joyful send off!!! I'm SO excited about my new cleaner! Apparently the best out there! I can use it as laundry soap, for windows, floors, car interiors! ANYTHING!! IT'S DA BEST! And part of the money is going toward a scholarship fund! HURRAH! I'M A GOOD PERSON!

Josh and Julia ask me how much it cost and I lie to them! I LIE! And tell them it's $10 less than what I really spent! I don't know why I picked this number....I'm a terrible liar! And I felt like maybe I wasn't completely lying by being such a small amount from the real price. I'M PATHETIC!
That night in bed....I am so sick about it! I want to cry! I don't have $40!! YOU GUYS! I make $863 a month!!! PLUS I save half of it for savings! I live on $100 a week!!!!!!! I was HAD! SO SOSOSOSOS had! I felt embarrassed, ashamed, naked, vulnerable....

And I still look at it in my pantry, ADVANAGE is says on the label.....ADVANAGE.

ADVANAGE.

i have no conception of nesting. i like our house best when its empty and you can't see any of our stuff. 

I'm applying to NYU for a one year grad program to get my MSW.

I know I won't get in....but I may as well try.

Bob wants to know what the confession is...

the confession IS that I don't think I'll get in because I didn't do well in school and I don't think I'm smart enough. wah wah

forgive and forget

I am getting better at forgiving, but I never forget.  I am basically a passive aggressive grudge-holder. If you have offended me before, you may not even be aware of it, but I sure am.

because I want to be like sam-sam

This story isn't really a confession, and it's not that great, it's just the most recent unfortunate thing that has happened to me.  (I think that was a run-on sentence, feel free to call me out Bob)

i'm so macho

Sufjan Stevens bugs me. Not because he's bad or because I think he's overrated, but because he's a pussy. This applies to Andrew Bird, too.

bad emo

I'm really, really sick of people talking about/listening to Saves the Day and Dashboard Confessional. It's terrible music. Just because they liked it in high school doesn't somehow redeem it from being incredibly cheesy and dumb.

i've generally got a pretty bleak outlook on my future: never finding love, never being successful in the things i care most about, just merely existing with no real purpose or goal, virginal yet exiled from the only identity (mormon) i've ever known. who wants to get breakfast burritos with me?

I am also thinking of skipping work and going to see a matinee, "Due Date" specifically.

I used to have a pretty healthy inner dialog. Now I feel like I don't know myself very well.

That makes me sad.

crazy heart/country strong

i can't wait to see Country Strong. i'm not expecting it to be good like Crazy Heart, but i've combined portions of the movie in my mind. 

remember Meredith Brooks?

I couldn't find any pictures of her armpits but I did find this one of Julia Roberts

Gardner (my brother in-law) just asked me how I feel about having hairier armpits than him. Sometimes I think it is awesome. Sometimes it kind of grosses me out but not enough to motivate me to really do anything about it.

EMBARRASSING!
I just accidentally posted this to my regular blog. Anyone who follows me on googlereader will see it (hopefully that is no one). I guess I don't care that my armpits are hairy as long as no one sees or knows about them.

I judge my coworker for drinking Mtn. Dew EVERY morning.

I think it's disgusting and trashy.

grammar nazi

I've started correcting people's grammar and spelling on facebook. I would have thought that it would make people hate me or respond angrily, but it only makes people embarrassed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

kind of like cleaning the lint trap

I fold up my jeans because they're too long, and I don't want them to drag and get worn out and dirty (not for fashion). My confession is that I enjoy unfolding them and cleaning out the debris that gets caught in the fold.

This isn't much of a confession, but for some reason it feels like it should be.  My new show obsession?  MONK.

Sometimes I really hate my boyfriends friends. They suck.

I do not consider myself as pretty. But I also do not consider myself as someone with low self esteem.

(healthy/unhealthy) cynicism

i hated that conference talk where the guy said he knew that the lord would provide a way for them to get out of debt, and the next morning they just happened to sell their SF property to pay their mortgage.


can we have some general authorities who understand socioeconomic diversity?  I wanted to say "good for you," at the same time that i said, "are you kidding me?" 


(.... don't even get me started on Costa's talk about everything the prophet saying being the literal word of God in civic matters. Why isn't there more discussion of cultural interpretations of Mormonism in sunday school? Is everyone nodding along to this at face value?)

sometimes...

I'm like, "Blech! Conspicuous consumption makes me sick!"
Other times, I think there is nothing as effective as retail therapy.

sorry if this applies to you, but...

I get so annoyed when people have numbers in their email address. For example, caitlin4670. How is anyone supposed to remember that!? It's just an arbitrary number. And if you write it down sloppily, and the 4 looks like a 9, how am I supposed to logically decipher what it could be? However, if you just use letters, and write sloppily, and the "a" looks like an "o", then I could say to myself, "hmm is that coitlin, or caitlin? Logical tells me caitlin."

In your defense, I understand why you use numbers, the email address you wanted was taken. But please put in some effort and come up with one that isn't so popular, and if you must use numbers limit it to one. Thank you.

self-image

Sometimes when I see myself smiling in a mirror, I think I look like Rocko from Rocko's modern life. I think it's the rounded teeth.

i have dandruff. really really bad dandruff* and i'm too cheap to go buy head and shoulders cause i get free shampoo from forest at nuskin.

*a recent development

I'm correcting my profanities by explaining their origin.

I'm frustrated with my life and I'm frustrated that I'm frustrated because I have such a great life!

Sh*t!

waa waaa

I'm kind of getting tired of babies

on second thought

My last post reminded me of how much I wish we had anonymous posting.

father forgive me

I don't know how much longer I can/want to call myself/be Mormon.

There's really no better way to make yourself feel friendless than having a birthday party that hardly anyone comes to.

But I was very thankful to those who came! It was a good day!

i think i'm afraid to do the things i really want to do. because i've never embraced hard, and you can't eat failure.

Forest's friends are so disrespectful to women.

The other week one of his friends said something like...."Man, that girl is SO stupid but she's really hot and so are all of her friends, so we keep them around....blah, blah, big boobs, blah, blah nice ass..."

So I said...

"Yeah, I remember a couple summers ago I was making out with all these really hot guys with really big dicks...I mean REALLY BIG...but they were so stupid and would just say the dumbest things...but I mean, they had nice dicks!"

Kind of outrageous. But I was SO fed up! I guess I'd like to think if I turned it around and objectified a boy that maybe they would take their head's out of their asses and see what it's like to feel disrespected for being a girl.

....Forest just kind of looked at me wide eyed.

i like kesha too. but i like a lot of bad things openly: country music, teen fiction, fantasty/sci-fi, the olsen twins, sadomasochism. jk on that last one, but i am sympathetic.

SORRY GUYS!

I don't know how I configured this nonsense wrong. Sorry about all those posts! I wondered where they were going...

What's the worst thing you ever did? What's the best thing you ever did?

I have done a few things that I would consider to be pretty awful. I'm not sure what you mean by "worst" but I will take it to mean hurtful. Growing up I was really really mean to my youngest sister. That was pretty awful. I was also really mean to people in general, and I was a really bad girlfriend to almost everyone I ever dated except for my first boyfriend (who my sister had a crush on- another bad thing) and Max, who I ended up marrying.
In high school I told an unfortunate looking boy a few years older than me that he was, "the ugliest person I have ever met". Even years later I feel really really bad about that.
One time I left my mom at the airport, on purpose. I may have also told her I never wanted to speak to her again...that was pretty awful too.
The best thing I ever did hasn't happened yet, I'm working on it though.

Ask me anything

I have monsters for hometeachers, how do I get rid of them?they call and come over way more than once a month and they don't even bring pie.Plus they made me say the prayer last time after they didn't laugh when I told them my cat wanted to say the prayer

Max and I once had a hometeacher like this. Notice I said, A HOMETEACHER. He always came by himself and never brought us sweets either, though in all fairness they probably wouldn't have been vegan anyway. Anyway, he was pretty weird, though I wouldn't call him a monster. He asked it he could dedicate our home for us...we said no. There are a few options for you, 1. STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE, 2. Next time you tell them your cat wants to say the prayer- insist on it, they will probably think you are crazy and a) never come back or b) tell the bishop you need hometeachers who are better equipped to handle your kind of crazy, 3. tell them they can only come over if they bring pie, 4. Tell them you have converted to Santeria and will no longer be needing hometeachers

Ask me anything

do you think animals like you more because they can sense you won't eat them?

What a funny question. Maybe? It depends on what kinds of animals you're talking about. Most people don't eat cats or dogs so it is pretty unlikely they would suspect anyone of eating them. Just saying.

Ask me anything

i read the news today, oh boy....

I don't want to define my happiness through the economic success of the country I live in. I feel like a lot of people do. This worries me.

Am I understanding your answer to the ke$ha question correctly to mean that Max likes Ke$ha but is embarrassed about it? Could you please say more about this?

You are correct. Max likes Ke$ha, but would probably never tell you. It all started with an All Things Considered episode when the commentators were talking about this pop song the appeal of which baffled one of them. I guess Max took to the internet, watched the video a few times, watched a few others and was hooked. I'm not exactly sure what is so embarrassing about liking her (I like TMBG so really it could be worse). He also likes La Roux- who I also really dislike. Go figure.

Ask me anything

office secrets!

everyone in my office is gone so i decided to help myself to one more piece of carrot cake!

every teacher's worst nightmare

I have practically crippling anxiety triggered by writing papers. It takes me FOREVER to get anything done, so it's always late. Of course I never tell my teachers this because it sounds like a cop-out.

Needless to say, I'm pretty much a terrible student.

i want to get married.....and that makes me very angry with myself. i don't like being dependent.

I have a feeling I am alone on this one

Though I have tried many times to love them, Radiohead has never done it for me.

I beleive that I don't follow trends, but since being in the Pacific Northwest I have to admit that I now want high performance outerwear: Patagonia, North Face. I'm changing.

social networking

I just looked at my Facebook chat list and thought to myself, "These people suck."

i'm frustrated tonight.

a person can only take so much pointless existential philosophical bantering bull shit.

middle school to present

one of my favorite passwords is "jackandroseforever."

my perception of my identity is a lot different that my actual identity

i love swearing!!!!!!!!!!

Super Secret Confessions part deux....

Bob changed the anonymous settings... now you can say all you wanted and more, Anonymously. Just post a comment to this post.

chat room humiliation

Back in the glory days of AOL (I was around 15), I used to go into chat rooms, probably that talked about music. I managed to make an enemy in one of them, probably by insulting his musical taste. One day soon after, I had a strange girl send me a picture of herself in a bikini and requested me to chat. We had a pleasant chat, and I didn't think much more of it. A day or so later, I noticed that my chat room enemy had quoted me in his profile as saying "I'm kind of a dork and girls usually don't like me," which is something I had candidly confessed to my hot new chat friend. I got set up and e-embarrassed. Nerdiest embarrassment ever.

you know the movie Eraser, with Arnold, (if not your loss) well there's this scene where vanessa williams has to burn a disc of top secret information in this super secure room. really tense scene and she almost gets caught. so, for some reason i remembered her pacing and gestures really well as she waits nervously for the disc to burn, then hurries to put the copied disc in her compact makeup case

.... so anyway, in high school, when burning cds was really cool, i would privately mimic her gestures and imagine i was downloading top secret information. i would quickly put the burnt cd in the jewel case and pretend like i had to log off the computer stat. That's confession #1.

Confession #2....i found myself imagining this scenario again while I was scanning drawings in the computer lab, a public computer lab.

Let it all out

There's been some talk about posting some really juicy confessions anonymously. Since I don't think it is actually possible to post anonymously, all desired anonymous confessions can be left as comments to this post.

All right, go at it. This should be fun.

we decided to get tattoos with our tax refund. help us decide what to get. we will post pictures after our skin heals.

my life feels pointless right now. i hate being graduated. and........... i want to cry.

i don't think i'm very good at making friends

last week i made quinn feel a hole drilled into the enamel of one of my front teeth.  i told him it was because i wanted him to know all my secrets.

mormon confession: i always want to tell people about the worst things ive ever done. its an off-limits topic, but i imagine it would be kind of a bonding experience. 

confession: I wish I could post anonymously...I have some really funny secrets I want to share, but I just can't get myself to do it.

...and confessing anonymously just seems juvenile

i am excited for this new semester. i feel something good in my blood. 

I saw you...

I love reading Missed Connections on Craigslist.
Especially ones like this that I can imagine are about me.

Sometimes I don't care about hanging out with anyone but Forest. This includes my family sometimes. Does this make me a bad person?

e-revenge

Just spitefully defriended someone on Facebook for the first time.

REDACTED

Three days later? Not so fun.

when the cat's away...

I hate it when Max and I are apart, but sometimes SOMETIMES it is just so fun! (Though not as fun as when he is home)

good girl gone bad

I checked out a Rihanna CD from the library. And of all the CD's I check out, when I returned this one, it still shows up on my account. The last time I was at the library, I didn't bring it up when I was checking out, not because the girl was cute, but just in case I think she's cute in the future. So I asked the guy today about it, and even though he was like 19, I confess I was a little embarrassed. Also, I like most of the album, not just "Umbrella."

i'm really bad at spelling...

words that i still struggle with

weird

bardhi helped me figure out jealous....how did i used to spell it?

jelous

also, when is it then/than? ....no idea.

don't judge me.

When I was 10 or so I thought I was going to be a magician, I even met with a professional magician to give me tips on my career path.

vanity

I don't like the fact that I'm friends with so many photographers and none of them have wanted to take pictures of me.

teen punk

I have a crush on the singer of Paramore

I've been looking at engagement rings.....just because I like to look at engagement rings...not because I'm getting engaged.

fifteen minutes isn't enough

I really want to be famous. Or good enough at something that I COULD be famous.

hipster

I check Pitchfork compulsively.

grammar foul

I continued to write the possessive its, "it's" clear into my Junior year of high school.

i resent that when i google 'caitlin gilman' other girls show up...back when i was caitlin millson, i was the one and only.

i can't help it! i LOVE taylor swifts song, "you belong with me"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whenever we go to a wedding i try to look better than the bride.

cheap skate

I found a table in the alley and i am selling it on craigslist for 30 bucks.

anyone want a table?

"Thus saith..."

in the course of a day i hear a lot of answering machines. one began by quoting a passage from the bible which they attributed to the book of 'fallopians.'

i've been having weird dreams. in my dream last night i was singing a song at a picnic with my sister lauren and my cousin maury. the verse was about pouring four cups of beer in the salsa. maury said they always pour beer in the salsa in texas.

is this true?

jk, but no really.

I use a chopstick to scratch my broken, cast-covered foot. Then I smell it. Then I make a pile of dead skin. Then I let otus eat it. Then I feel guilty.

the IRS is after me

i am NOT joking.

sexism

I have a lower standard for girl musicians (in pop music).

gender confusion

I was mistaken for a girl one time in high school.

I just found out that it's not longer appropriate to put two spaces after a period. Apparently that died with the typewriter, but I can't kick the habit! Not only because it is ingrained in me to put two spaces, but because it makes papers longer, and because how else do you differentiate between a comma/semi colon, and a new sentence!? Anyone else struggling with this? Anyone else not know about this rule?

so maybe when i get bored at work i look on ebay for cheap vintage engagement rings. so what?

i refuse to walk around or move while i am brushing my teeth...i have this great fear that i will fall and the toothbrush will jam into the back of my throat.

embarrassing

so.... my neighbors cole and suzie had their baby this weekend. and i stopped by on sunday to deliver them a frozen lasagna. our conversation went as follows...

Me: So how was everything? How's the baby? I heard that she's in the NICMO?
Cole: NICMO?
Suzie: She's doing fine! She's going to be there for about two weeks.
Cole: I think you mean NICU?
Suzie: I can't beleive you said anything Cole!

Anyway...the story goes on with me trying not to feel like a complete idiot. I thought I was being super birthing savvy by knowing acronyms like NICU....but instead I end up looking like a total idiot. NICMO?!

narcissist

Most-listened tracks on my itunes? My own music.

I got emotional watching the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are.

I don't want him to accept the invitation. Even though Tim wants him there.

in second grade i won a contest for who could draw the best dinosaur by hand............i traced it. and my traced stegosaurus got made into a bookmark for the whole school. who says cheaters never win?

could we be honest with each other for just a second?

I feel like shit. I! feel! like! SHIT! And I want to scream! REALLY LOUD! And maybe cry...A LOT! But I haven't yet! Can I be proud of that?

there's no basement in the alamo

when i was little my mom told me that the reason Pee Wee got arrested was because he took his shirt off in a movie theater. I didn't realize the absurdity of this explanation until I was about 20, and I didn't find out he was in a 'sexy' theater until about three months ago.

also, i still love to watch pee wee's playhouse

true story

i first heard of wikipedia at becca's old apartment at the truman. when i first heard the name wikipedia i thought it had to do with witchcraft and wicca and was an online encyclopedia about wicca