i've been having weird dreams. in my dream last night i was singing a song at a picnic with my sister lauren and my cousin maury. the verse was about pouring four cups of beer in the salsa. maury said they always pour beer in the salsa in texas.

is this true?

jk, but no really.

I use a chopstick to scratch my broken, cast-covered foot. Then I smell it. Then I make a pile of dead skin. Then I let otus eat it. Then I feel guilty.

the IRS is after me

i am NOT joking.

sexism

I have a lower standard for girl musicians (in pop music).

gender confusion

I was mistaken for a girl one time in high school.

I just found out that it's not longer appropriate to put two spaces after a period. Apparently that died with the typewriter, but I can't kick the habit! Not only because it is ingrained in me to put two spaces, but because it makes papers longer, and because how else do you differentiate between a comma/semi colon, and a new sentence!? Anyone else struggling with this? Anyone else not know about this rule?

so maybe when i get bored at work i look on ebay for cheap vintage engagement rings. so what?

i refuse to walk around or move while i am brushing my teeth...i have this great fear that i will fall and the toothbrush will jam into the back of my throat.

embarrassing

so.... my neighbors cole and suzie had their baby this weekend. and i stopped by on sunday to deliver them a frozen lasagna. our conversation went as follows...

Me: So how was everything? How's the baby? I heard that she's in the NICMO?
Cole: NICMO?
Suzie: She's doing fine! She's going to be there for about two weeks.
Cole: I think you mean NICU?
Suzie: I can't beleive you said anything Cole!

Anyway...the story goes on with me trying not to feel like a complete idiot. I thought I was being super birthing savvy by knowing acronyms like NICU....but instead I end up looking like a total idiot. NICMO?!

narcissist

Most-listened tracks on my itunes? My own music.

I got emotional watching the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are.

I don't want him to accept the invitation. Even though Tim wants him there.

in second grade i won a contest for who could draw the best dinosaur by hand............i traced it. and my traced stegosaurus got made into a bookmark for the whole school. who says cheaters never win?

could we be honest with each other for just a second?

I feel like shit. I! feel! like! SHIT! And I want to scream! REALLY LOUD! And maybe cry...A LOT! But I haven't yet! Can I be proud of that?

there's no basement in the alamo

when i was little my mom told me that the reason Pee Wee got arrested was because he took his shirt off in a movie theater. I didn't realize the absurdity of this explanation until I was about 20, and I didn't find out he was in a 'sexy' theater until about three months ago.

also, i still love to watch pee wee's playhouse

true story

i first heard of wikipedia at becca's old apartment at the truman. when i first heard the name wikipedia i thought it had to do with witchcraft and wicca and was an online encyclopedia about wicca

heeheehee

i've started getting jealous when i hear that people i know are engaged. i'm hoping this will wear off.

while on the topic...

first kiss...

7th grade, at a barmitzvah, my bf at the time came up to me and said, "can i french kiss you now?" i said uhh ok. i was a really nervous pre-teen, super awkward around boys. he led me down the stairs of this nice country club and after a few minutes of not being able to find a couch to 'make out on' he said, ah screw it and kissed me.

this was the weirdest kiss ever! both of our mouths were wide open and we just touched tongues for a bit, i was totally freaked out so my eyes were wide open. afterward he said, "first time?" we didn't talk the rest of the night and i think we broke up after that. my next kiss wasn't until three years later.

first kiss... 15, beijing china at "pure girl" a tiny hole in the wall bar on sun li tun's bar street. mike lyons was his name. he kissed another girl right after i left. i was late coming home and was grounded for two weekends. at the time....WORTH IT! mike was definitely and with out a doubt inebraited. could i tell? of course not...i was 15.

i am ashamed my first kiss was in a bar. why was i in a bar at age 15? because i thought i was an adult. this is so embarassing to confess.

i had my first kiss at 19.  it was someone you know.  it was weird.  i've always been embarrassed that i was that old.  for years i wouldnt talk about it.  i started lying about it in high school and i've lied so much that my first-kiss lie is the almost-truth.  parts of me have to really think back to remember how my life actually went.