my favorite part of Christmas is that my little brother, fed up with the teasing, yelled

"JUSTIN BIEBER DOES NOT OWN THIS HAIRCUT!"

i have trouble eating a full banana! the texture, makes me gag!

Advanage

Alright everyone. This is my latest embarrassing encounter. As a lot of you know, I model my character after good ole hyperbole and a half's character, because I'M NOT CREATIVE. So the anonymous poster who so bravely felt the need to "call me out" can maybe take the morality stick out of their bumbumbum.

About a month ago I was enjoying the TV with my brother Josh and his fiance and my roommate, Julia. It was fun!

There's a knock at the door and I see a hand waving in the window!
I open the door and am immediately bombarded my the MOST charismatic man in the WORLD!!!!!!!!!! He's so excited!!!!!
"Try my product" he says! He immediately has my attention when he says, "I know what scent you like...lavender!" "HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!" I'm eating it up!!! He's talking so fast and being so funny that I just can't seem to take a moment to think about what this guy is REALLY doing.
In retrospect what got me the most is that Josh and Julia aren't telling me to not buy this lavender cleaning magic! They're just sitting there watching TV while I get manipulated by this man.....this smooth talking man!
So I pay the $40 dollars for the product! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I give him a joyful send off!!! I'm SO excited about my new cleaner! Apparently the best out there! I can use it as laundry soap, for windows, floors, car interiors! ANYTHING!! IT'S DA BEST! And part of the money is going toward a scholarship fund! HURRAH! I'M A GOOD PERSON!

Josh and Julia ask me how much it cost and I lie to them! I LIE! And tell them it's $10 less than what I really spent! I don't know why I picked this number....I'm a terrible liar! And I felt like maybe I wasn't completely lying by being such a small amount from the real price. I'M PATHETIC!
That night in bed....I am so sick about it! I want to cry! I don't have $40!! YOU GUYS! I make $863 a month!!! PLUS I save half of it for savings! I live on $100 a week!!!!!!! I was HAD! SO SOSOSOSOS had! I felt embarrassed, ashamed, naked, vulnerable....

And I still look at it in my pantry, ADVANAGE is says on the label.....ADVANAGE.

ADVANAGE.

i have no conception of nesting. i like our house best when its empty and you can't see any of our stuff. 

I'm applying to NYU for a one year grad program to get my MSW.

I know I won't get in....but I may as well try.

Bob wants to know what the confession is...

the confession IS that I don't think I'll get in because I didn't do well in school and I don't think I'm smart enough. wah wah

forgive and forget

I am getting better at forgiving, but I never forget.  I am basically a passive aggressive grudge-holder. If you have offended me before, you may not even be aware of it, but I sure am.

because I want to be like sam-sam

This story isn't really a confession, and it's not that great, it's just the most recent unfortunate thing that has happened to me.  (I think that was a run-on sentence, feel free to call me out Bob)

i'm so macho

Sufjan Stevens bugs me. Not because he's bad or because I think he's overrated, but because he's a pussy. This applies to Andrew Bird, too.

bad emo

I'm really, really sick of people talking about/listening to Saves the Day and Dashboard Confessional. It's terrible music. Just because they liked it in high school doesn't somehow redeem it from being incredibly cheesy and dumb.